How to have "real" orgasms | Emily Nagoski

Introduction

This tutorial aims to help you understand how to achieve "real" orgasms by unlocking a sexual "flow state." Based on insights from sex educator Emily Nagoski, this guide will focus on shifting your perspective from solely seeking orgasms to embracing overall pleasure. By familiarizing yourself with a broader spectrum of sexual experiences, you can alleviate pressure and enhance your sexual satisfaction.

Step 1: Understand the Complexity of Orgasms

• Recognize that orgasms are intricate phenomena influenced primarily by the brain.
• Acknowledge that various stimuli, not just genital stimulation, contribute to the experience of pleasure.
• Challenge the myths perpetuated by media portrayals of orgasms, which often depict unrealistic scenarios.

Step 2: Shift Focus from Orgasms to Pleasure

• Instead of fixating on the end goal of orgasm, concentrate on the entire experience of sexual activity.
• Explore different types of pleasurable sensations that can enhance arousal, such as:
  • Physical touch
  • Emotional connection
  • Visual or auditory stimuli
• Understand that by prioritizing pleasure, you may find that orgasms occur more naturally, without the added pressure.

Step 3: Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

• Incorporate meditation techniques to help you relax and connect with your body.
• Consider the following meditation practices:
  • Focus on your breath to center yourself.
  • Visualize pleasurable sensations throughout your body.
  • Allow thoughts to pass without judgment, maintaining a state of relaxation.
• Regular practice can help you access a flow state, enhancing your sexual experiences.

Step 4: Embrace Exploration and Communication

• Experiment with different forms of sexual expression and stimulation to discover what feels best for you.
• Communicate openly with your partner about desires and boundaries to create a comfortable environment.
• Encourage exploration of fantasies or new techniques, ensuring both partners feel safe and respected.

Step 5: Educate Yourself and Break Stigmas

• Read books and articles on sexual health, such as "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski, to deepen your understanding.
• Attend workshops or discussions around sexual wellness to normalize conversations about pleasure and orgasms.
• Share your experiences and learn from others to enhance your knowledge and comfort with sexuality.

Conclusion

Achieving real orgasms is less about the act itself and more about embracing the full range of pleasurable experiences. By shifting your focus from simply reaching orgasm to enjoying the journey of sexual intimacy, practicing mindfulness, and fostering open communication, you can enhance your sexual satisfaction. Take the time to explore and educate yourself, paving the way for deeper connections and fulfilling experiences.