Harvard negotiator explains how to argue | Dan Shapiro

Introduction

In this tutorial, we explore effective strategies for arguing productively, as outlined by Dan Shapiro, head of Harvard’s International Negotiation program. Understanding how to argue constructively is crucial in today's polarized environment, where the focus often shifts from the issue at hand to tribal affiliations. This guide will provide actionable steps to improve your argumentation skills, enhance communication, and foster mutual understanding.

Step 1: Understand Core Values

• Identify the values of your counterpart: Before entering a discussion, take time to understand what is important to the other person. Consider their beliefs, motivations, and experiences.
• Ask open-ended questions: Engage in conversations that allow the other party to express their views fully. Questions like "What led you to that conclusion?" can open up dialogue.
• Acknowledge their perspective: Show that you recognize their values as valid, even if you disagree. This builds respect and encourages a more productive exchange.

Step 2: Listen Intently

• Practice active listening: Focus entirely on what the other person is saying without planning your response while they speak. This shows respect and helps you grasp their argument better.
• Paraphrase their points: Repeat back what you've heard in your own words. This demonstrates understanding and gives them a chance to clarify if necessary.
• Avoid interruptions: Let them finish their thoughts before you respond. This fosters a more respectful dialogue.

Step 3: Convey Understanding

• Use empathetic language: Phrases like "I can see why you feel that way" can help convey that you understand their emotions and reasoning.
• Validate their emotions: Acknowledge feelings that might be driving their perspective, such as frustration or fear. This can create a more open atmosphere for discussion.
• Stay calm and composed: Your demeanor can influence the tone of the conversation. Remain calm, and avoid raising your voice or becoming defensive.

Step 4: Find Common Ground

• Identify shared goals: Look for areas where your interests align. This could be a mutual desire for a solution or agreement on certain facts.
• Build on agreements: Start your response with points of agreement before addressing differences. This sets a collaborative tone.
• Propose solutions that benefit both sides: Aim for outcomes that satisfy the core values of both parties. This encourages cooperation rather than confrontation.

Conclusion

By implementing these steps—understanding core values, listening intently, conveying understanding, and finding common ground—you can transform the way you argue. These techniques not only enhance your negotiation skills but also contribute to healthier conversations, even in contentious discussions. To further develop your skills, consider reading Dan Shapiro's book, "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable," for deeper insights into resolving emotionally charged conflicts.