How To Handle An Angry Spouse | Anger Part 2 | Paul Friedman

Introduction

Dealing with anger in a marriage can be challenging, but understanding how to manage it effectively can lead to a healthier relationship. This tutorial outlines key strategies to handle an angry spouse and manage your own anger, drawing from insights discussed by Paul Friedman in "How To Handle An Angry Spouse." These techniques aim to foster better communication and emotional resilience in your marriage.

Step 1: Understand the Anatomy of Anger

• Recognize that anger often stems from unmet needs or misunderstandings.
• Reflect on common triggers that lead to anger in your relationship.
• Analyze past arguments to identify patterns and root causes of anger.

Practical Tip: Keep a journal to note instances of anger, what triggered them, and how you responded. This will help you recognize patterns over time.

Step 2: Communicate Effectively

• Approach your spouse calmly and express your feelings without blaming.
• Use "I" statements to convey your emotions, such as "I feel hurt when..."
• Encourage your spouse to share their feelings and listen actively without interrupting.

Practical Tip: Set aside time for regular check-ins to discuss feelings and concerns before they escalate into anger.

Step 3: Utilize the SEW Technique

• The SEW technique is a powerful method for managing anger. It stands for:

  • S: Stop what you are doing.
  • E: Evaluate your feelings and thoughts.
  • W: Decide how to respond constructively.

• Practice this technique whenever you feel anger rising. It helps to create a pause before reacting.

Common Pitfall: Avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about your spouse’s feelings. Always seek clarification.

Step 4: Focus on Solutions, Not Problems

• Shift your perspective from what went wrong to how you can resolve the issue.
• Work together as a team to find solutions, rather than creating a win-lose scenario.

Practical Tip: Brainstorm solutions together and write them down. This creates a visual reminder of your commitment to improving the relationship.

Step 5: Seek Professional Guidance

• If anger continues to be a significant issue, consider seeking help from a marriage counselor.
• Explore resources like the 12 Week Marriage System or the Anatomy of a Fight course offered by The Marriage Foundation.

Practical Tip: Take advantage of free resources or trials to determine what works best for you and your spouse.

Conclusion

Managing anger in a marriage is a process that requires patience and practice. By understanding the triggers of anger, communicating effectively, and employing techniques like the SEW method, couples can create a more harmonious relationship. Remember to focus on solutions and consider professional help if needed. Start by implementing these strategies today to foster a healthier and more supportive marriage.