Virginia Satir: Communication and Congruence (excerpt) -- A Thinking Allowed DVD w/ Jeffrey Mishlove

How to Understand Communication and Healing Dialogues in Family Therapy

Step 1: Introduction to Communication in Family Therapy

In the video, Virginia Satir, the founder of conjoint family therapy, emphasizes the importance of studying communication within families. She distinguishes between two dialogues that occur simultaneously in communication: the dialogue of words and the dialogue of healing.

Step 2: Recognizing the Two Levels of Dialogue

Satir explains that the dialogue of words involves the spoken communication, while the dialogue of healing is more subtle and unconscious. An example she provides is when someone asks a question, and the response is given in a cold tone, indicating a disconnect between the spoken words and the underlying emotions.

Step 3: Understanding the Origins of Communication

Satir delves into the origins of these two levels of dialogue, suggesting that the verbal communication stems from the left brain, focusing on logical and explicit messages. On the other hand, the healing dialogue originates from the right brain, conveying deeper emotions and beliefs that may not be expressed verbally.

Step 4: Exploring Double-Level Messages

She discusses the concept of double-level messages, where verbal and nonverbal cues contradict each other. This can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations in communication.

Step 5: Uncovering Unconscious Rules and Beliefs

Satir highlights the impact of unconscious rules and beliefs on communication. For example, if someone has a rule that they should never complain, it may influence how they express their needs or emotions, leading to hidden messages in their communication.

Step 6: Recognizing Vulnerability and Authenticity

She touches upon the tendency for people to hide their true feelings, especially if they perceive vulnerability as a weakness. Satir encourages embracing vulnerability and authenticity in communication to foster deeper connections and understanding within families.

Step 7: Practicing Open Communication

To improve communication within families, it's essential to be aware of both the explicit and implicit messages being conveyed. By acknowledging and addressing unconscious rules and beliefs, individuals can engage in more authentic and healing dialogues with their loved ones.

By following these steps and insights from Virginia Satir's teachings on communication and healing dialogues in family therapy, you can enhance your understanding of interpersonal dynamics and cultivate more meaningful connections within your family relationships.