What to Do When Your Partner Constantly Puts You Down | Paul Friedman

Introduction

This tutorial provides actionable steps for dealing with a partner who constantly puts you down. It's essential to address this behavior to foster a healthy relationship. This guide will help you understand the situation and provide strategies to improve communication and self-esteem.

Step 1: Recognize the Behavior

• Identify Patterns: Pay attention to when and how your partner puts you down. Is it during arguments, or is it a regular occurrence?
• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Understand that feeling hurt or belittled is valid. Recognizing your emotional response is the first step toward change.

Step 2: Communicate Your Feelings

• Choose the Right Time: Find a calm moment to discuss your concerns, rather than bringing it up during a conflict.

Use "I" Statements: Express how their words affect you using phrases like

• "I feel hurt when you say..."
• "I need support from you, not criticism."
• Stay Calm and Respectful: Approach the conversation with a tone that invites dialogue, not defensiveness.

Step 3: Set Boundaries

• Define Acceptable Behavior: Clearly communicate what is unacceptable. For example, "It’s not okay for you to insult me, even in jest."
• Be Firm and Consistent: Once boundaries are set, be consistent in enforcing them. If they are crossed, address it immediately.

Step 4: Focus on Self-Esteem

• Engage in Positive Self-Talk: Counter negative remarks by reminding yourself of your worth and strengths.
• Seek Support: Connect with friends or family who uplift you. Consider joining support groups or counseling for additional help.

Step 5: Evaluate the Relationship

• Reflect on the Dynamics: Consider whether this relationship is healthy or if it continuously affects your mental health negatively.
• Decide on Next Steps: Based on your reflections, decide whether to work on the relationship, seek professional help, or consider separation if the behavior persists.

Conclusion

Dealing with a partner who puts you down is challenging but essential for your emotional well-being. By recognizing the behavior, communicating effectively, setting boundaries, focusing on self-esteem, and evaluating the relationship, you can take meaningful steps toward a healthier dynamic. Remember, you deserve respect and support in your relationships. If needed, don't hesitate to seek professional help for additional guidance.