The Problem With Being “Too Nice” at Work | Tessa West | TED

Introduction

In the workplace, being "too nice" can often lead to unproductive communication and misunderstandings. Social psychologist Tessa West highlights how over-politeness can mask anxiety and provide ineffective feedback. This tutorial will guide you through actionable steps to replace vague and generic comments with clear and constructive feedback, fostering a healthier work environment.

Step 1: Recognize the Impact of Politeness

• Understand that excessive politeness can dilute the effectiveness of your feedback.
• Acknowledge your own discomfort in giving honest feedback and how it may lead to masking your true thoughts.
• Reflect on your past experiences where being overly nice led to confusion or unresolved issues.

Step 2: Shift Your Mindset

• Reframe your perspective about giving feedback.
• View feedback as a tool for growth rather than a confrontation.
• Remind yourself that honest communication can enhance relationships and improve team dynamics.

Step 3: Prepare Your Feedback

• Identify specific behaviors or actions that need addressing.
• Use the “SBI” model for feedback:
  • Situation: Describe the context of the behavior.
  • Behavior: Explain the specific behavior observed.
  • Impact: Share the effect of that behavior on the team or project.

Example:

Situation: In yesterday's meeting,
Behavior: you interrupted several team members,
Impact: which made it difficult for everyone to share their ideas.

Step 4: Practice Delivering Feedback

• Role-play feedback conversations with a trusted colleague to build confidence.
• Focus on using clear and concise language.
• Avoid filler phrases and stick to the facts.

Step 5: Encourage a Feedback Culture

• Foster an environment where feedback is normalized and expected.
• Lead by example; consistently provide and seek constructive feedback from others.
• Create opportunities for team discussions about feedback practices.

Step 6: Follow Up After Feedback

• After providing feedback, check in with the individual to see how they are responding.
• Offer support and resources for improvement if needed.
• Reinforce positive changes in behavior to encourage further development.

Conclusion

Transitioning from being overly nice to providing clear, constructive feedback is vital for personal and professional growth. By recognizing the pitfalls of excessive politeness, shifting your mindset, and employing structured feedback techniques, you can create a more open and effective workplace. Start practicing these steps today to enhance your communication skills and contribute to a healthier work culture.