How to stop screwing yourself over | Mel Robbins | TEDxSF

Introduction

In this tutorial, we will explore practical strategies to help you stop self-sabotaging behaviors and take control of your life. Based on insights from Mel Robbins, a renowned career and relationship expert, this guide provides actionable steps to overcome mental clutter and align your actions with your goals.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Patterns

Recognizing self-sabotaging behaviors is the first step to change.

• Reflect on Past Behaviors: Take time to think about instances where you’ve held yourself back. Identify patterns in your decisions and actions.
• Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings related to these behaviors. This can help clarify your mindset and reveal underlying fears or beliefs.

Step 2: Challenge Negative Thoughts

Your mindset plays a crucial role in your actions.

• Identify Negative Self-Talk: Pay attention to the thoughts that arise when you're about to make a decision. Are they supportive or critical?
• Reframe Your Thoughts: Replace negative statements with positive affirmations. For example, instead of thinking “I can’t do this,” reframe it to “I am capable of overcoming challenges.”

Step 3: Take Action with the 5-Second Rule

Robbins introduces a simple method to combat procrastination and hesitation.

• Implement the 5-Second Rule: When you feel the instinct to act on a goal, count backward from 5 (5-4-3-2-1) and immediately take action. This interrupts your hesitation.
• Start Small: Begin with minor tasks that lead to your larger goals. This builds momentum and confidence.

Step 4: Set Clear Goals

Having specific goals can provide direction and motivation.

• Define Your Goals: Write down what you want to achieve. Ensure your goals are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound).
• Break It Down: Divide larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks. This makes progress easier to track and less overwhelming.

Step 5: Create Accountability

Accountability can help you stay on track and committed to your goals.

• Share Your Goals: Tell friends, family, or colleagues about your objectives. Their support can motivate you to follow through.
• Consider a Coach or Mentor: A professional can offer guidance, encouragement, and feedback on your progress.

Step 6: Celebrate Small Wins

Recognizing your achievements, no matter how small, reinforces positive behavior.

• Acknowledge Progress: Take time to celebrate each step you complete towards your goal. This boosts your motivation and confidence.
• Reward Yourself: Create a system of rewards for when you accomplish tasks. This can be as simple as taking a break or treating yourself to something you enjoy.

Conclusion

By following these steps, you can begin to overcome self-sabotaging behaviors and align your actions with your goals. Start by acknowledging your patterns and challenging negative thoughts, then implement the 5-second rule to take decisive action. Set clear goals, create accountability, and celebrate your progress along the way. Remember, change takes time and persistence, so be patient with yourself as you work towards a more fulfilling life.