Your parents aren't bad, they are autistic (growing up with undiagnosed autistic parents)

Step-by-Step Tutorial: Understanding and Coping with Autistic Parents

Step 1: Recognize Signs of Autistic Traits in Parents

• Pay attention to signs such as lack of physical affection (not being cuddly), preferring inanimate objects over human interaction for comfort, being sensitive to loud noises, having a heightened sense of smell, and having specific routines or preferences, such as eating the same food every day.

Step 2: Understand Sensory Sensitivities

• Acknowledge that parents with autism may have sensory sensitivities that affect their behavior, such as being overwhelmed by loud noises or strong smells, leading to reactions like leaving the room or being unresponsive.

Step 3: Address Communication Challenges

• Be aware that autistic parents may struggle with communication, including being forgetful, having difficulties with social norms or small talk, and exhibiting blunt social tact without considering the impact of their words.

Step 4: Deal with Emotional Responses

• Understand that parents with autism may have difficulties expressing emotions or providing comfort in ways that are typical, leading to behaviors like poker-faced expressions, shutdowns, or meltdowns.

Step 5: Practice Compassion and Understanding

• Approach your parents' behavior with compassion and understanding, considering their neurodivergent traits as the underlying cause for their actions rather than labeling them as intentionally neglectful or unloving.

Step 6: Reflect on Personal Experiences

• Reflect on your childhood experiences with your parents through the lens of their autism, allowing yourself to let go of any negative feelings or misconceptions you may have held about their parenting.

Step 7: Foster Healthy Relationships

• Use this newfound understanding to build healthier relationships with your parents and potentially break the cycle of misunderstandings or misinterpretations that may have existed in the past.

By following these steps, you can gain a deeper insight into your parents' behavior, foster empathy and understanding, and cultivate more meaningful and supportive relationships with them.