"My Fiance Is Not Romantic At All" | Paul Friedman

Introduction

This tutorial addresses common concerns about romance in relationships, particularly in the context of marriage. Based on insights from Paul Friedman of The Marriage Foundation, we will explore the fundamental aspects of love and partnership that go beyond romantic gestures, focusing on building a strong, supportive marriage.

Step 1: Understand the Purpose of Marriage

• Recognize that marriage is not primarily about romance.
• Focus on the idea that marriage is about creating a lasting partnership where both individuals grow together.
• Embrace the concept of "unconditional love," which is the cornerstone of a successful marriage.

Step 2: Shift Your Focus from Romance to Connection

• Understand that while romance can be enjoyable, it is not the foundation of a marriage.
• Work on developing a deeper emotional connection with your partner, which involves:
  • Open communication
  • Mutual respect
  • Shared goals and values

Step 3: Create a Sacred Space in Your Marriage

• Establish a "sacred space" where both partners feel safe to express themselves without fear.
• Engage in activities that foster intimacy and trust, such as:
  • Regular date nights
  • Meaningful conversations
  • Shared hobbies or interests

Step 4: Commit to Continuous Growth

• Accept that marriage requires ongoing effort and learning.
• Approach your relationship as a "labor of love," where both partners actively contribute to each other’s happiness.
• Set aside time to discuss each other’s needs and how to meet them.

Step 5: Be Realistic About Expectations

• Avoid setting unrealistic expectations based on romantic ideals.
• Remember that every relationship has ups and downs; focus on supporting each other during challenging times.
• Keep in mind that moments of joy in marriage should be built on a foundation of stability and partnership.

Conclusion

In summary, while romance can enhance a relationship, it should not be the primary focus of marriage. Building a strong partnership based on unconditional love, open communication, and mutual growth is essential. By creating a sacred space for both partners, committing to continuous improvement, and adjusting your expectations, you can cultivate a fulfilling and lasting marriage. Consider exploring premarital education resources to prepare effectively for this important commitment.